This is why I don’t like you.
Just in case you need some writing inspiration. Every year, English teachers from across the USA can submit their collections of actual analogies and metaphors found in high school essays. These excerpts are published each year to the amusement of teachers across the country. Here are last year’s winners:
1. Her face was a perfect oval, like a circle that had its two sides gently compressed by a Thigh Master.
2. His thoughts tumbled in his head, making and breaking alliances like underpants in a dryer without Cling Free.
3. He spoke with the wisdom that can only come from experience, like a guy who went blind because he looked at a solar eclipse without one of those boxes with a pinhole in it and now goes around the country speaking at high schools about the dangers of looking at a solar eclipse without one of those boxes with a pinhole in it.
4. She grew on him like she was a colony of E. coli, and he was room temperature Canadian beef.
5. She had a deep, throaty, genuine laugh, like that sound a dog makes just before it throws up.
6. Her vocabulary was as bad as, like, whatever.
7. He was as tall as a six-foot, three-inch tree.
8. The revelation that his marriage of 30 years had disintegrated because of his wife’s infidelity came as a rude shock, like a surcharge at a formerly surcharge-free ATM machine.
9. The little boat gently drifted across the pond exactly the way a bowling ball wouldn’t.
10. McBride fell 12 stories, hitting the pavement like a Hefty bag filled with vegetable soup.
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THREE IS MY GODDAMN FAVORITE.
#5 literally had me cackling. BEST. SHIT. :DDDDDD
this game is bullshit, you have to go through a tutorial until level 18, and your stats start to go down after level 30 not to mention the romance mini-game is hard as fuck
sadly the PVP is a lie. You get a debuff called jail
it also fails to mention that once you hit level 18 it actually does have a monthly fee and it’s really fucking steep. but at that point everyone’s too invested to quit playing so ugh yeah
I don’t even get to choose anything about the initial details of my character.
Pff the graphics really suck, I needed to get a third party program just to make everything focus.
If the character they give you isn’t the right gender, the patch is expensive as hell and takes forever to install
I thought I was really good at this game, but there are millions of people better at it than I am. ::::/
I died ONCE and they closed my fucking account what the hell
I thought the class system was the most unbalanced thing ever, but then I saw how they handle race.
and the moderators really suck at handling abusive trolls
- Childrens puzzle too easy for smart adult like me
- Spray works on bugs but NOT geese
- I have lost all faith in rags
- Jersey comes up TOO SHORT, can’t wear with no pants without exposing myself
- I have disappointed myself again
- Book too heavy, dropped on foot, now very sick
- Edible but NOT EDIBLE ENOUGH
- Cannot inflate without getting aroused
- Helps me sleep like a baby, I don’t like it
- Chair cannot handle my big fat ass
- dog ate earrings DO NOT BUY
- I cannot fit inside this
- memory foam pillow not easy to have sex with
- It fell on me and I can’t get up
- NOT FLAMMABLE ENOUGH
- my son is very afraid of it
- Couldn’t put together, threw at wall, have huge hole in wall
- Didn’t work I am still alive
And now we have come full circle.
Mike, do you have to be so combative?
still would have been better than her piece of crap epilogue
2000: Michael Phelps looks on during the Phillips 66 U.S. National Swimming Championships.
2012: Michael Phelps is the most decorated Olympian of all time.